โI cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
โI have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
Iโm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
Iโve counted sixteen chicken pox
And thereโs one more--thatโs seventeen,
And donโt you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
Iโm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly buttonโs caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankleโs sprained,
My โpendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbowโs bent, my spine ainโt straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangn
There once was a girl named Sue.
She came down with the case of the flu.
She let out a sigh,
"My temperature is high,
what ever shall I do?
Oh my! Oh my!
I think I will die.
What ever shall I do?"
So, she stumbled out of bed.
"I know I'll take some meds.
If this the flu,
I take an aspirin or two.
Then I'll drink some broth and some juice.
Oh my! Oh my!"
she began to cry.
"I think this is acute."
So, she grumbled back to bed
and pulled the covers over her head.
She let out a sneeze,
a cough and a wheeze.
"Won't someone help me, please?
Oh my! Oh my!
Will I survive
the case of the crazy flu?"
So, she finally fell asleep.
She slept and slept for a week.
She tossed and turned,
her symptoms have passed.
Her temperature normal at last.
"Oh my! Oh my!
I think I survived
this case of the crazy flu."
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him.
He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
As this was going on, an angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away! A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited, his mouth open in shock.
The angel was a little shocked as well. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "Think about it... who is he going to tell?!?"
A high-powered attorney ended up in the hospital for a few days - and letโs just say, he was not the ideal patient.
He barked orders, whined about everything, and treated the nurses like they worked for him personally.
Most of the staff had just about had it with him... except the head nurse. Sheโd seen it all - and she wasnโt about to take any nonsense.
One morning, she marched into his room and said, โI need to take your temperature.โ
He groaned, huffed, and puffed for five solid minutes, then finally opened his mouth like he was doing her a favor.
โOh no,โ the nurse said with a sweet smile. โThis reading canโt be done orally.โ
More complaining. More whining. But finally, with a dramatic sigh, he rolled over and presented the royal backside.
She inserted the thermometer and said, โPerfect. Now, donโt move - Iโll be right back.โ
Then she walked outโฆ and left the door WIDE open.
People passed by. Some snickered. Others laughed out loud. The attorney stewed in silent humiliation.
Twenty minutes later, the doctor walked in, took one look, and blinked.
โWhat on earth is going on here?โ he asked.
The attorney, red-faced and furious, snapped, โWell?! Havenโt you ever seen someone getting their temperature taken?!โ
The doctor paused, tilted his head, and saidโฆ
โSureโฆ just never with a ballpoint pen.โ
Go to BabaMail
