Ward Jokes

"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
A Clueless Nurse
A Clueless Nurse A doctor is going around the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the man is lying in bad condition, worse than when he came in. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor suspiciously. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed, the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately, at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, taken aback, "did you prick his boil?!?"
What do you call a hospital ward full of epileptic vegetables?
Seizure salad.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash light into an epileptic children’s ward.
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
A Blonde at the Burn Ward
A Blonde at the Burn Ward It's a regular day at the hospital when a Blonde woman comes into the burn ward with both of her ears burnt. The doctor in charge had never seen an injury quite like it. "How did you get both sides burnt like that?" He asked her. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone." "Well that explains one ear," said the doctor, his eyebrows raised as high as they can get, "but what about the other ear??" "Well, I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"
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