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Box

Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
The Special Gift
The Special Gift On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
There was an Old Man on some rocks,
Who shut his wife up in a box;
When she said, 'Let me out!'
He exclaimed, 'Without doubt,
You will pass all your life in that box.'
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Tried it Once...
Tried it Once... A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. “No thanks." says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it". The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks. "No, thanks." the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it.” Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf" says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club". "That's kind of you, but no, thanks." the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it". Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Mike.." says the plant manager. "Let me guess" the salesman replies with a bitter smile: "An only child?"
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
The Secret Box
The Secret Box An elderly pastor was searching in his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted to having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for a dollar."
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
There was a young lady from the Azores
Whose box was all covered with sores
And the dogs in the street
Wouldn’t bark at the meat
that hung in festoons from her drawers.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
A Little Girl Feels Sick at Church
A Little Girl Feels Sick at Church A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl. "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush," said her mother. After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked. "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." Smiled her little girl proudly. "They have a box next to the front door that says: 'For the Sick.'"
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Life is like a box of chocolates... mostly disappointing.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
The Jewish Samurai
The Jewish Samurai Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish! *Swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Yoku Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoosh!* flourished his sword mightily, but the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that?? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead?" replied Cohen in contempt. "Dead is easy. Now circumcision, that takes skill."