Soap Jokes

“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”

- Franklin P. Jones.
Can You Let the Manager Know Please?
Can You Let the Manager Know Please? A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she purrs, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman, evidently getting a bit hot under the collar by this point. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, touching his lips. "Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' room."
The Brilliant Solution
The Brilliant Solution A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. Six months and $8 million later, they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased. They solved the problem by using a special scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a soap box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory. A while later, the CEO decides to look at the first week report. Since the scales were put in place, no empty boxes had been shipped out of the factory. Each day about a dozen defective boxes were being removed, which was consistent with the projections. There were almost zero customer complaints and they were gaining market share. The CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. However, the number of defective boxes picked up by the scales dropped to zero after three weeks. He filed a bug against it and after some investigation, the engineers came back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't picking up any defects because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good. Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about. "Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang."
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
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