Million

The Lucky Find
The Lucky Find A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client. "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million... and I think she could be right." Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
You’re wine in a million.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Him: Awww, of course!

Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
How do you make a million dollars playing jazz? Start off with 2 million.
A Volunteer to Mars
A Volunteer to Mars NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and they could never return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much?” asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, “You convince them I'm the best candidate. I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”