“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
"Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well."
– Unknown
“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”
Craig Ferguson
“We must fall in love with yourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.”
– Mae West
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
---
“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.”
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Rita Rudner
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” — Stephen Colber
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“They laugh at me because I’m different: I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
Go to BabaMail
