“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Hiking is just walking where it’s okay to pee.” – Demetri Martin
“L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there’s a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson — and when he shows up, they tell him there’ll be a ten-minute wait.”
Bill Maher
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Ignorance is a form of environmental pollution."
Anonymous
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
“I got chucked out of yoga class after misinterpreting Half-Moon Pose.” – Unknown
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
― Phyllis Diller
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
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