“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends — but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.”
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“May your coffee be extra strong, and your Monday be extra short.”
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.”
Demetri Martin
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” —Craig Ferguson
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“‘Snow in April is abominable,’ said Anne. ‘Like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.’” — L.M. Montgomery
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
Go to BabaMail
