"I don't tan. I burn"
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.” — Timothy Burke, “Friends”
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
Thanksgiving sucks where it is now. It’s too close to Christmas. We don’t need back-to-back holidays where we go home and sleep on a twin bed after mainlining gravy.” — Seth Meyers
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”
— Charles Lamb
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
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