"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”
Bill Murray
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Al Gore
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'”
Claude Pepper
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
The temperature can only go up from here.
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
---
“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough"
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
"There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!"
– Fulton J. Sheen.
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
Go to BabaMail
