“When it snows you have two choices. Shovel or snow angels.”
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
Tom Clancy
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Unknown
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.”
— Julio Alexi Genao
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”
Bill Murray
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
“Enjoy every second of Sunday, for when you least expect Monday comes to haunt you.”
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
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