“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
Les Dawson
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“If Monday were a person, it would be a boring friend who always forces us to do what we don’t want.”
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“I don’t have a lot of friends but I have the best friends because I choose quality over quantity.”
— Unknown
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
“I do an hour’s yoga and go running everyday. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot bellied idiot — and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” — Chris Martin
“If each day is a “gift,” I’d like to know where I can return the Monday.”
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
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