“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.”
- Rachel Maddow
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Dale Carnegie
"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“My Week is like: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!” — Jerry Seinfeld
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. -- Doris Egan
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
- Oscar Wilde
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
"Bury me next to a straight man."
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
“Someone should enact a holiday that honors all people who turn up for work on Mondays.”
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
— Unknown
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
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