"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
Marc Maron
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“An Aquarius isn’t a rebel with a cause; they are the cause.”
— Jake Register
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
“I do Yoga to relieve stress… Just kidding I drink wine in yoga pants.” — Anonymous
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
"Aries people pick up steam while everyone else is running out of gas."
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won't know when Monday starts.”
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
Bob Hope
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
Will Ferell
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
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