“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.”
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
– Scott Adams
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise."
Anonymous
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
Unknown
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
“When a stupid man is doing something, he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
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