“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
E. B. White
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"Patience is not a virtue for Aries. The phrase Speak now or forever hold your peace, was probably created by an impatient Aries."
— Dr. Atara
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“That’s not how Aquarians operate. They don’t do things steadily, they are running about one day then comatose the next.”
— Mary English
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
― Elbert Hubbard
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
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