"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Will Rogers
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“An instructor once gave the following cue in yoga class: “Relax your pancreas.” I don’t even know where my pancreas is, never mind how to relax it! I giggled for the rest of the class.” – Mel Farrimond
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“My Week is like: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“It’s a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.”
-Walter Winchell
After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes… he said, "No hablo Ingles."
Ronnie Shakes
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
Steven Wright
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend but it sure helps!”
— Unknown
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really.”
– Arthur Darvill
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
Go to BabaMail
