“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. -- Napoleon
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.”
“I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.”
– Will Rogers
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
"Pay attention to today's horoscope: Saturn is backtracking and it looks like you're going to be screwed again."
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I have such an ego ’cause I’m a double Leo. I can’t let go of me, you know, so it’s very difficult for me to be somebody else and not me. I’m so into me.”
— Paul Mooney
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
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