"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
“What Yoga really is… Spending an entire hour trying not to fart.”— Anonymous
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
"Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice."
— Otto von Bismarck
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
“I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” – Wendy Liebman
"Humor is reason gone mad."
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." - Nora Ephron
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