"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”
"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” —Michael Dresser
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
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"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"I don't tan. I burn"
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“To like and dislike the same things, that is what makes a solid friendship.”
— Sallust
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
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