"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth."
Anonymous
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
“To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"I wake up in the morning and lay in my bed waiting for my mom to prepare breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom."
— Unknown
"There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!"
– Fulton J. Sheen.
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
- Bertrand Russell
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
Will Ferell
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Go to BabaMail
