“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”
Sam Ewing
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”
— Charles Lamb
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”
- Elbert Hubbard
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A Milne
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”
– R. G. Daniels
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
"Ignorance is a form of environmental pollution."
Anonymous
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
— Punit Ghadge
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“I think the perfect gift to give anyone in the winter is a heated toilet seat.”
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
Betty White
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
Go to BabaMail
