“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“The road to success is always under construction.”
"Stupidity is like a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit."
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A Milne
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends — but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.”
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“When it snows you have two choices. Shovel or snow angels.”
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
— William Feather
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
Jarod Kintz
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
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