“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
- Walt Disney
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“My daughters only six months old and already drawing. I’d hang it on the fridge, but honestly, its absolute garbage.” – Ryan Reynolds
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
"I always say “Morning” instead of “Good Morning”. If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people."
– Unknown
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey
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