"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
Benjamin Franklin
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“That’s not how Aquarians operate. They don’t do things steadily, they are running about one day then comatose the next.”
— Mary English
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“I’m just a Sagittarius, and we’re kind of spontaneous.
So let’s head out to Vegas and find an Elvis to marry us.”
— Andy Grammer, “Blame It on the Stars”
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.”
— Bernard Meltzer
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cab driver.
Zach Galifianakis
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
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