“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“I’m actually banned from the Himalayas, because I’m too good at yoga.” – Judah Friedlander
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Rita Rudner
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“I don’t have a lot of friends but I have the best friends because I choose quality over quantity.”
— Unknown
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
Go to BabaMail
