“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.”
— Terry Pratchett
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
“Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.”
— Unknown
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. -- Doris Egan
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Will Rogers
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.“
— Oscar Wilde
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends."
— Unknown
Woddy Allen
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” —Stephen Colbert
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
Go to BabaMail
