“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“We interrupt your happiness to bring you Mondays. Don’t worry, you’re regularly scheduled happiness will resume again on Friday.”
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
"It is the dull man who is always sure and the sure man who is always dull."
— H.L. Mencken
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”
Anonymous
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
"A Scorpio will carry his grudge into the afterlife if necessary to get his revenge."
— Everett A. Blackman
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
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