All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita Rudner
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. -- Napoleon
“If there are ice cream trucks in the summer then why aren’t there Starbucks trucks in the winter?”
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
Jerry Seinfeld
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.”
– Deborah Kerr
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm."
Anonymous
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
Rodney Dangerfield
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” — Kenneth Grahame
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”
- Chris Rock.
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
Go to BabaMail
