"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Three things that never lie: Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants.” – Unknown
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.”
- Mark Hoppus
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
“To like and dislike the same things, that is what makes a solid friendship.”
— Sallust
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.”
— Jennifer Elisabeth
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
"I’m so cool that even ice cubes are jealous."
"The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise."
Anonymous
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
— Andrea L’Artiste
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
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