“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes… he said, "No hablo Ingles."
Ronnie Shakes
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
“Enjoy every second of Sunday, for when you least expect Monday comes to haunt you.”
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. -- Billy Graham
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
“This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed.”
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
E. B. White
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“I’m staying in shape this winter by wearing enough layers to be constantly sweating.”
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
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