“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late."
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that bastard's reflection.
Lady Gaga
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Sunday morning my head is bad. But it's worth all the time I had. But I've got to go and get some rest. For Monday is a mess!”
– Dave Bartholomew, Blue Monday
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"People who say “Good morning” should be forced to prove it."
– Unknown
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
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