"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
- Mark Twain
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
“Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
— Unknown
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
“Turkey lurkey doo, and turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey, then I take a nap.” —Adam Sandler
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish.”
– Unknown
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
Betty White
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
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