"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
― Mary Wortley Montagu
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
Henny Youngman
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
Short Funny Quotes
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
― Phyllis Diller
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
Go to BabaMail
