“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.” – Nate Smith
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
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