“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock