“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
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