“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
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