"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand." - Unknown
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
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