"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand." - Unknown
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
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