"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
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