"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
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