“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
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