“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
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