“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash