“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
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