“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
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