“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
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