“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
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