“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
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