“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
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