"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
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