"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
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