"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
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