“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
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