“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
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