“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
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