“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.