"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
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