"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
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