"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
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