"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher