"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
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