"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
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