“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
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