"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
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