“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown