"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
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