“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
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