"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
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