"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
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