“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
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