"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
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