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sword puns Jokes

sword puns Jokes and more.
Monster Puns
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Toucan Puns
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
Birthday Puns
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Mushroom Puns
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Bee Puns
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Wine Puns
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Pumpkin Puns
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
King Solomon Trial
During King Solomon's reign, there was a handsome, successful young man who was wanted by all the young maidens in the kingdom. This young man was certainly aware of his advantages, and he would go wild with different girls and promise each of them the whole world. While most of the ladies knew he could not be trusted, two young women took his words seriously and announced to their family that they were going to marry the most successful and beautiful man in the kingdom. The rumors of the marriage spread, and the two mothers of the young women who heard that someone else would marry the wanted man began to quarrel over the fate and future of their daughters. After failing to settle the dispute, the two mothers decided to go to King Solomon, the wisest man, and ask him to decide which of their daughters would marry the boy. They dragged the young man to court and made their claims to the wise king. Solomon listened to them patiently, and after they finished he ordered, "Bring me the greatest sword in the palace, I will split the man in two, and each woman will receive half of him!" The first mother looked rather indifferent and said, "Bring him the sword." The other mother, who was shocked by the order, yelled, "Your majesty, remove the command, I will give up the groom-only do not spill his blood!" King Solomon looked at the two women with a big smile and said, "The first mother’s daughter will marry the young man!" The confused court clerk turned to Solomon and said, "My wise king, aren’t you confused? The first mother was willing to cut that young man into two!" "Right!" King Solomon replied, "This proves that she is worthy of being his real Mother in law!"
The Pirate and the Hook
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate... "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." " Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!" "Well," says the pirate sadly, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet..."
Bone Puns
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Biology Puns
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Book Puns
These book puns have tickled your spine.
Chemistry Puns
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Wise King Solomon and the Mother-in-Laws
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said the first one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first woman. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise King did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the King's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon, "and that proves she is, indeed, the TRUE mother-in-law."
Salad Puns
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Meat Puns
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Egg Puns
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
Fruit Puns
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Pea Puns
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Laundry Puns
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
History Puns
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Classical Music Jokes
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Vehicle Puns
Car puns are really tiring
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I’m a handsome prince and my sword is no trick.
St. Patrick's Day Puns
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
Mother Puns
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Bread Puns
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Dad Puns
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
Physics Puns
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...

It hertz.
Pun Puns
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
Why was the pun a bad comedian?
He never got the pun-chline right!
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What's a pun's favorite movie?
It's a Punderful Life!
Potato Puns
Potato puns are a-peeling.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Turtle Puns
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Funny Limericks
A man was once offended
By a pun writing contest he entered
He submitted ten
Sure that one would win
But alas no pun in ten did.
Eye Puns
Bad puns are how eye roll.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
The Samurai Feud
In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war... One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would bring his family glory, and the other family would be forced to leave the territory for good. The night before the duel, the Father of one clan approached his son and asked him why he decided to do this. Surely there was another way. The son responded he could no longer stand the fighting, and would rather die than deal with it any longer. Besides, he was older and knew he could easily best the eldest son of the opposing clan. He also had a superior disarming technique and could quickly end it all. He was certain of his victory. He continued to meditate and focus until the very moment of the duel. He could practically visualize the battle. He knew his opponents every move- he had spied on the past training sessions of his rookie opponent, and knew his every weakness. He was ready. When the time came, he donned his gear and made his way to the Arena. They approached each other from opposing ends. They stopped. Both bowed low in respect. Then as they lifted their heads back up, it was a flurry of sparks and slashes as the two went head to head. Such a display of combative grace had never been seen before. Both were clearly masters of their craft. As they continued to exchange blows, the older of the two saw his opening and struck. The younger fighter's sword hand had been lost. However, at that very moment the sword spun in a way that cut off both legs of the older fighter, dropping him to the floor in a splatter of blood. The younger fighter reached down and picked his sword back up with his left hand and finished his downed opponent in a quick display of mercy. Later, as the Heads of both clans met to sign their peace treaty, the Father of the older fighter approached the younger fighter. He told him that he held no animosity toward him - he fought valiantly to the very end. He only blamed his own son's foolishness, and as he walked away he muttered sadly to himself, "I just don't understand where he went wrong. He was supposed to be the greatest Samurai of our time..." To which the younger fighter responded: "He was indeed an excellent fighter, but while he was focused on disarming me, I simply focused on de-feeting him."
Knight Puns
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
The Jewish Samurai
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish! *Swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Hiroshi Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoosh!* flourished his sword mightily, but the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the emperor said, "What kind of skill is that?? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead?" replied Cohen in contempt. "Dead is easy. Now circumcision, that takes skill."
Puns
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
An unlucky skydiver's last pun: 'Ah chute!'
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Werewolf Puns
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
Mouse Puns
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
Love Puns
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
A babe-blade.